Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
