i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
