I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
