Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
