I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
