He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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