when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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