shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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