I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
