Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
