Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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