i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
