I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
