just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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