why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
