cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
