If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
