there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
