he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
