walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
