Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
