Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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