is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
