He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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