I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it because I queefed?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
