you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
