Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
