i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
