bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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