tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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