At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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