I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
