im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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