Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
