no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
