sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
