Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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