Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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