there's paper in my vomit.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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