I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
