im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
