whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
