I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
