If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
