so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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