Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh god it's open bar.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
