So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
a search helicopter?!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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