why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
