At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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