im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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