I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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