This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
