He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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